Secrets behind the Eyes
by Ethan Illinois Jones
Summary: For a hundred and fifty years, America has been keeping a secret from the rest of the world, one that would change the world's view of the American nation when they learn that behind those sky blue contacts were eyes of stormy grey. A sacrifice that had saved the life of one at the cost of another. Rated M, just to be safe.
1. Chapter 1

_**AN: I'm sorry about the late update, but it's finally here. The changes I had mentined in my review that I posted will be little surprises, something for you to look for.**_

 _ **For people who want to use the idea I have started, they are welcome to do so. It's something that I want people to pick up on and to branch out. It would definitely be interesting to see what people can make out of this small idea. I can guarantee that it might not be the typical Civil War hetalia fanfic (( from what I'm getting so far, since I haven't seen people really utilize this idea)). If you do end up using an idea like this, message me so I can read it. I love it when people take my idea and add their own spin to things to make it interesting. (( But please, no plagerizing, unless you give full credit to where it's due and you let me know what you're going to do. I'm not going to bite, or anything. Honest. At the most, it would be a little nibble. :3 .))**_

 _ **I am so sorry for rambling xD It's something I am prone to.**_

 _ **If you do not like or intolerant of boy x boy love, please don't read. It'll be in the story, even if it won't be the main focus of the main focus.**_

 _ **America pairing: mentions (For now) of Germerica.**_  
 _ **Other pairings: Sweden x Finland and France x Scotland.**_

 _ **DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hetalia, it belongs to the brilliant person who thought it up. Please do not sue me for I have no money for you to take!**_

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 _ **. . . . . Chapter One**_

 _He was back at the same place he had been for many nights and many years. The same nightmare he had for years that made him wake up in tears and stir up painful memories that he wished he could forget._

 _He stood at the front of a crowd that were waiting for the executions of those convicted in treason, unable to move from his spot. What the crowd didn't know, was tht there was an innocent lamb among the guilty wolves there were involved in the assassination of President Lincoln._

 _Behind the convicted, stood a line of men dressed in blue and gold military uniforms, men that he had once been an enemy of. It wasn't him, the true traitor of the Union, that was standing at the gallows instead it was the one person who couldn't bear to favor a child or two over the others. The one that didn't kill a single person in this bloody war. The one that was still recovering from the wreckage caused by his family fighting against each other, something that he was guilty of helping._

 _A young man stood in the middle of criminals and traitors, his golden blonde hair matted and dirtied by dirt and blood. Half of his face was hidden away by bloodied bandages wrapped around his head, hiding the damage done to his right eye. The clothes hung off his body, rumpled and disorganized, which was rare for his brother who was raised by England to be prim and proper. Despite his condition, his brother still smiled that warm smile down to him. That gentle smile that comforted him in his childhood when he had night terrors or when he managed to land himself in trouble nearly every day with the help of the states. His one visible sky blue eye was shining with a bittersweet happiness that held a sadness within. Even when he was on death's door waiting to be judged by the people he protected for so many years, his brother still the ability to smile._

 _"Alfred, big brother, please," the words slipped out of his mouth like they did every time as he fought back the incoming sob. He wanted to struggle, to fight against the invisible bonds that held him in place. "Please, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you!"_

 _The last time they spoken before this day, were with insults and pleas as he left his brother sobbing for him to turn around and come back home._

 _"I didn't want this to happen!"_

 _But that was what he was asking for, wasn't it? He abandoned his brother to play soldier in a war and now he was facing the consequences of his actions, and he could lose the person that was his mother, father, and big brother all in one._

 _"I'm sorry!"_

 _His throat clenched painfully, making it difficult to swallow as his vision was blurred from tears. It hurt. It hurt so much. His heart made that familiar painful twisting feeling that made him feel sick to his stomach._

 _Like always, none of the crowd heard his words. They never did. They still screamed for the blood of the traitors._

 _One of the military men nodded to the executioner, who grabbed the pulley that would end his brother's life along with those bloodthirsty wolves._

 _The bodies dropped as their necks snapped, killing the now dead men and woman._

 _"Alfred!"_

 _. . . ._

"No!"

The American personification woke up, sitting up quickly. From the corner of his room, he heard Independence caw worriedly. He could feel the tears trailing down his cheeks as he panted, his chest rising and falling rapidly. His throat was still aching like it had in his nightmare and sobs threatened to spill out.

Familiar navy blue walls surrounded him, with white trims on the top and bottom. Once his breathing calmed, he wiped away the tears. His mind kept going back to that scene, to the place where his brother died that day.

The sound of a door opening pulled his focus away from his thoughts, as someone stepped in to the room, followed by a little deer spirit.

"I heard you screaming and I wanted to make sure you were alright."

Ethan Springfield Jones, one of his many nieces and nephews that he got to know over the years. Ethan, or known as Hokolesqua by the family, was a quiet boy that he towered over easily, only being five feet and two inches in height. He had a slight feminine build that was hidden with his baggy pajamas, lightly tanned skin, and some of the most expressive pair of violet purple eyes he has seen that held concern. His spirit animal, Peoria, was a white-tailed deer fawn that followed him around.

"Did you have another nightmare?" the state asked quietly, already knowing the answer to the question. He knew about the nightmares. The emotional mess they left him in. "It was about ma, wasn't it?"

Peoria moved towards Independence's stand, curling up underneath the spirit eagle as Ethan sat on the edge of his bed. The state looked just as hesitant to talk about the person they both loved but they both knew it was going to happen anyway. Especially with the constant nightmares.

"Why did you and your siblings forgive me so easily?" the Confederacy choked, wiping away fresh new tears as his thoughts returned to his big brother. His body was trembling. "Why?" Ethan took a cloth handkerchief, dabbing away the tears gently, with a sad smile on his face.

"Ma loved you so much, probably more than you will ever know." Ethan explained softly, wrapping one arm around the heartbroken country and pulling him close. "He did what he did because he couldn't bear the thought of his people hurting you. For us to turn our anger on you would only disrespect what our mother sacrificed his life for. He died for his family. We have no right to dishonor that."

The Confederacy sniffled.

"Why does it still hurt?"

"Oh, Antinanco," Ethan whispered. "You never had the chance to heal. Your heart is still wounded from Ma's death. After his death, you were always busy trying to take care of the states as well as Ma's people. You never took time for yourself and the wound festered."

"But it's been over a hundred years," the Confederacy pointed out, earning a small sigh from Ethan.

"I know it's been over a hundred years, but just because so many years has passed doesn't mean it will make it less painful." Ethan explained patiently, never losing the soft gentle tone. "You lost someone close to you, someone who has been there almost all of your childhood and adolescence. It doesn't make you weak or pitiful for still feeling that pain."

The personification of the state of Illinois rested his head on top of the Confederacy's, as his hand drew soothing circles in to his back through his pajama top. The warmth was comfort for the shaken country. "Ma knew what he was doing when he made the choice that he did," Ethan whispered. "He saved the life of the little brother he raised. The one that was taken from him because of a war started by his people and his children. It wasn't a war he had wanted, but a war he was forced to endure. He loved you, just as much as he loved my siblings and I. Don't ever doubt that. Do you understand?"

He felt himself nodding weakly, unable to say otherwise.

"Good." Ethan gave him a gentle one armed hug, before releasing him and standing up from his seat. He started making his way to the door with Peoria moving from her spot under Independence. "Wappo is almost done making breakfast downstairs. We're having pancakes, bacon, and a side of strawberries and apple slices."

Ethan paused and turned around to face him. "Do you want me to attend the meeting in your place or do you want to?"

Ethan was a shapeshifter and he often replaced him when he was either feeling too sick or unable to go to the meetings and endure the ridicule from the other countries.

"I-I can handle it." It was a lie, but a lie that he was used to saying.

"Alright, but you know that you can always call me if you need anything," Ethan reminded him, like he did before he left for a meeting. The state was a mother hen in nature, and Nicholas wouldn't be surprised if he got it from either Alfred himself who had been a very motherly person despite his gender or Virginia, one of the biggest mother hens, when she played her own part in raising the state the moment he joined the union.

"I know, Hoko. I know." though it didn't stop him from appreciating the concern the state was showing him, even if he thought he didn't deserve it after taking his mother away from him.

Ethan nodded his head, offering one last soft smile before turning around and leaving him alone in his room.

Nicholas turned his head towards the spirit eagle he inherited from his brother, Independence, who stook by his side through thick and thin. "Do you think I can handle today's meeting, Independence?"

He was only answered with a quiet caw from the transparent eagle.

"I didn't think so either..."

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 _ **Wappo: Ryan Jones, Delaware. Spirit Animal: Grey fox, Dover.**_  
 _ **Hokolesqua: Ethan Jones, Illinois. Spirit Animal: white-tailed deer, Peoria.**_  
 _ **Antinanco: Nicholas Farley Jones. Spirit Animal: inherited, bald eagle, Independence.**_

 _ **Chapter Two: The Disastrous World Meeting.**_

 _ **Notes:**_

 _ **1\. )Now about their spirit animals, they are like partners to the states that they are paired with. For Nicholas, it is different since he inherited his from Alfred. Why he didn't get his own will be brought up in a future chapter, but for now I'm interested in what theories you think up about it.**_

 _ **2\. ) For those who know, there will be mentions of Germerica. Whether if I will bump that up to more than just mentions will be decided in the future. I have an idea on how to go about this, but whether or not if I should is still up in the air. There won't be a romantic relationship between Germany and Nicholas, at the most it will be like Germany sees the little brother of his deceased lover that he needs to protect, aka a brotherly love.**_

 _ **3\. )If you think I should bring back Alfred partially, please leave a review on why or why not Alfred should return. I will be counting all the votes. Once I hit a certain point in the story, the vote will end and I will chose by the amount of votes if Alfred should return to his brother and children or should stay resting in peace.**_

 _ **4\. )If you had made an OC that is in use in the Illusions I Weave, you can PM me to decide which city you want your state's spirit animal to be named after.**_


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** _ **Chapter Two of Secrets Behind the Eyes is finally here! It's been a long while since I had posted anything (last October, I do believe. Goodness, time really does fly by!), and for that I am sorry to those who were looking forward to the two stories I am writing. However, I will not be stopping until these stories are done. I don't believe in abandoning a story. For those who already read chapter one and is more familiar with Confederacy's name being Buchanan, I had changed his name to Nicholas while writing chapter two. I felt Buchanan didn't fit the character I pictured in my mind, so I changed it. I also found a Native name for Nicolas, so I will post it down bellow for those who might have missed it.**_

 _ **The much awaited chapter is here. The World Meeting!**_

 _ **I am going to put up the warning once more, just for those who might have not seen it. Warning, there will be boyxboy (or yaoi) love. So if you don't like that kind of stuff, please avoid this story, even if it isn't going to be the main role or plot of the story. I just want t make sure you know what you're getting in to and what to expect.**_

 _ **Warning: This has not been beta-read, so if you see any mistakes that I might have missed please let me know so I can fix them.**_

 _ **America pairing: mentions (For Now) of GerMerica.**_  
 _ **Other pairings: Sweden x Finland and France x Scotland (Sorry FRUK fans!)**_

 _ **DISCLAIMER: I do not own or have any rights to Hetalia, all ownership belongs to the brilliant person who thought it up. Please do not sue me for I have no money for you to take!**_

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 _ **. . . . . Chapter Two**_

 _..._

 _"Casnte waste hoksila ake istima"_

 _Alfred sang gently to a little toddler Nicholas, tracing soothing circles on his back. The little tot had nightmares often, from the influence of his people's anger. His status as a nation, despite his young age, was affecting him negatively. Alfred tried and tried to keep Nicholas's people happy, much to his boss's chagrin. His new baby brother couldn't handle his responsibilities yet, or the backlash that came from his people's emotions._

 _Nicholas's eyes were drooping, a sign that he was close to sleep._

 _"Hanhelp ki waste,_  
 _Cante waste hoksila ake istima,_  
 _Hanhepi ki waste."_

 _Soon, little Nicholas couldn't fight off sleep any longer and his eyes finally closed, his breathing evening out._

 _Smiling gently, Alfred gently and carefully set the sleeping tot back in to his crib._

 _"Good night my little eagle," Alfred said affectionately to the sleeping Nicholas. Blowing out the candle he had lit, he cast the room in darkness. He moved towards the door before pausing and turning halfway towards Nicholas's crib. "Tomorrow, someone will come to meet you. I know you'll have him wrapped around your little finger, just like your nephews and nieces."_

 _..._

Nicholas listened to China's presentation, his eyes focused on an old antique pocket-watch that used to belong to his brother back when he was still a child. He could remember his brother always carrying it around with him. The intricate details engraved in to the copper formed a symbol that Alfred had once said meant protection with faint lightning designs behind it. Attached were little copper write forming a framework around the torch and stars that looked like a laurel of eagle feathers. It used to be able to open, but after his brother's passing he found that the little clasp that held it closed was damaged and he was no longer able to open it. He played with the little chain hanging from the top.

"Your brother loved that pocket watch," the voice of Ludwig broke him from his thoughts and he looked up to see the Ludwig looking down at the pocket-watch in his hands. "I believe he got it from an old friend who made it for him on his birthday."

Nicholas looked back down at the pocket-watch, deep in memories of his brother.

"I used to get jealous of that pocket-watch, if you would believe it." Ludwig continued, "I felt like it was getting more of his attention one hour than I do for a whole week. It didn't take long for him to figure out my feelings and told me I was silly for being jealous of a pocket-watch. Do you want to know what I told him?"

Nicholas looked back up at him, curiously.

"I told him it wasn't silly if it involved some object seducing my beautiful boyfriend. He broke down laughing before he reassured me that he wouldn't be leaving me for the pocket-watch any time soon." Ludwig told him.

Nicholas couldn't help smiling at that in amusement. Ludwig, the German who was known for not tolerating nonsense, was jealous of a pocket-watch and accusing it of seducing his boyfriend who was Nicholas's brother.

"You thought a pocket-watch was seducing my brother. You are so silly, Napayshni."

Ludwig smiled, not bothering to argue in his own defense, "I know I was being silly, but back then it made sense to me. Your brother was one of the most amazing people I have ever known in my life as a nation and I loved him. I still do to this day. He had a talent of worming his way in to the hearts of those around him and not let go. Something you got from your brother, no doubt."

"I miss him, Napayshni," Nicholas whispered, tracing the little protection symbol. "It's been years, and I still miss him. Sometimes I would stop by his old study, thinking I would find him in there doing paperwork for the president or working on repairing something one of the states broke."

Ludwig looked like he wanted to say something, but when China finished in his presentation and began to head back to his seat between Japan and Russia, he had to get up to do his own presentation. He gave Nicholas a comforting pat on the shoulder before moving from his seat. Nicholas turned his attention back to the pocket-watch, his finger moved from tracing the protection symbol to the little feathers that was no doubt inspired by Independence, who was Alfred's spirit animal and loyal companion.

 _"Why is that symbol there, big brother?"_

 _"It's a protection symbol, my little eagle. If you place a picture of people you love inside this pocket-watch, it will protect those loved ones from everything."_

 _"Really? Am I in there, big brother?"_

 _"Yes, you're in there, my little eagle, along with all my little ones."_

 _"Is Independence in there too?"_

He was broke out of the memory when a hand reached over and snatched his brother's beloved pocket-watch from his hand. Frantic and scared that whoever the hand belonged to might have damaged it, Nicholas jumped from his chair.

The hand belonged to England who was turning the pocket-watch over in his hand, analyzing it in a way that reminded Nicholas of a rich lord looking at a poor peasant's clothes.

"Give it back, England." Nicholas growled, his body tensing up. He moved to take the pocket-watch from the Englishman, but his hand was smacked away.

"Why do you keep the blasted thing if it can't even open?" England questioned, examining the damaged clasp with a critical eye. "It's bloody useless."

"I didn't ask for your opinion on what I decide to keep, England." Nicholas snapped angrily, as he successfully snatched the pocket-watch from the Englishman and stashed it away to the safety of his pocket. "Besides, you lost your right to question my decisions when I won my independence from you two hundred thirty-four years ago."

England glared at him fiercely, "That is no way to talk to someone who has raised you and gave you everything you wanted, you ungrateful brat! That war was nothing but a child throwing a tantrum when he didn't get what he wanted."

"England, please sit down before you two get in to trouble." Canada quietly said, looking nervously back and forth between Nicholas and the Englishman like he was afraid the two would start fighting.

"Amerique, please calm down." France tried to soothe him out of his anger.

"Ever since you got it in your foolish head that you are a strong nation, you've been nothing but a insufferable git! No wonder no one likes you! You're an arrogant arse half of the time!"

"England, that is way too harsh." Canada protested, but again he was ignored by the Englishman who seemed determined to tear the American down from what he thought was a pedestal.

"At least I'm not a bitter old man who drowns himself in alcohol to avoid something that happened over two hundred years ago!" Nicholas fired back at the Englishman.

"How dare you!"

"I dare because someone needs to!"

"Enough!"

The two were startled out of the argument as Ludwig marched angrily over to them, his blue eyes as frigid as ice.

"What is going on here?!" Ludwig demanded, first looking to Nicholas who was feeling internally grateful that Ludwig intervened.

"Why ask him first!?" England demanded.

"England, for once in your life, shut up until I ask you for your version of the story." Ludwig growled.

"He took my pocket-watch from me without permission, and then insulted it before insulting me. Then I took it back."

"He rudely took it from me!"

"Only because you took it from me without my permission!"

Ludwig, seeing that the two were close to tearing at each other's throats, sighed and called for the end of the meeting. He had been the last country to show his presentation for today, but he could send notes to other countries on it and cover it in the next meeting. Finishing a presentation only for the two to end up hurting each other wasn't worth it.

"You two, stay away from each other." Ludwig commanded, pointing at both England and Nicholas, before taking Nicholas's briefcase and packing away his notes and other items so the two of them could leave together. "You need to find a way to get along, or else this will keep happening, do you understand?"

"I understand, Germany." England forced out.

"Yes, Germany." Nicholas softly replied, allowing the German pack his stuff away for him and followed after him when the German made his way to the door, sending a quick farewell to France and Canada, who were trying to calm the Englishman down.

. . . . .

"Independence?" Nicholas hesitantly called to his brother's spirit companion. It had been two hours since Germany dropped him off at his home. He was inside his brother's old study, sitting on the chair behind the great big desk where his brother used to do his paperwork. The spirit eagle was sitting on his perch in the corner, preening.

 _ **"Yes, little hatchling?"**_ Independence questioned.

"Do you think my big brother would've been ashamed over how I behaved today?" Nicholas asked looking down at an old picture book that his brother used to read to him when he was a child. It was preserved by charms made by Washington D.C., who had been adamant about preserving what they had of Alfred.

 _ **"I think he would have been proud of you, not ashamed of you,"**_ Independence answered with a confidence unique to the spirit eagle. _**"Your big brother would be proud that you stood up for yourself and for him. Though, I don't know why you feel the need to ask me this. You should know it. He raised you ever since you were a little hatchling."**_

"I know, Independence, but sometimes it helps to get confirmation from another person."

 _ **"I understand, little hatchling."**_

"Independence?"

 _ **"Yes, hatchling?"**_

"Do you remember when big brother first read this book to me? What he first said? Do you know what he meant?"

 _"What is that, big brother?" little Nicholas asked, as he pointed to a little drawing of a bird at bottom of the page that was surrounded by lightning and clouds. He was sitting on his big brother's lap as he read an old storybook to him._

 _"That's a Thunderbird, my little eagle. It brings the storms and the rain so that food can grow." Alfred replied, smiling gently down at his little brother as he smoothed the wild golden blond hair of his brother's._

 _"Can I see one?" Nicholas asked, his grey-blue eyes wide with excitement and awe. "Please, big brother?"_

 _"One day, my little eagle, you'll meet the Thunderbird, when you're big and strong like Delaware or Alabama. When that day comes, you will know."_

 _"How will I know, big brother?"_

 _"You'll know because you'll feel it," he pointed to Nicholas's heart, "right here."_

 _"In my heart?" Nicholas questioned in confusion._

 _"Yes, your heart."_

 _"Why there, big brother?"_

 _"Because, your heart is the main piece of your soul. You need a heart for the Thunderbird to be able to visit you."_

 _ **"That is something you need to find out yourself, little hatchling. If you relied on others to find the answer for you, the answer will never show itself. You'll know the answer when it comes to you and you only, little hatchling. Just be patient."**_

"How long will that take?"

 _ **"As long as it needs to."**_

"Independence, that is literally no help."

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 _ **Notes:**_

 _ **Antinanco: Nicholas Farley Jones, Confederacy. Spirit animal: Independence, inherited from Alfred after his passing.**_

 _ **1\. ) The lullaby Alfred is singing is named "Lakota Lullaby", a short Native American song that I found on youtube when looking for Native American lullabies.**_  
 _ **Translation:**_  
 _ **Good-hearted boy go back to sleep**_  
 _ **The night is good**_  
 _ **Good-hearted boy go back to sleep**_  
 _ **The night is good**_

 _ **2\. ) Napayshni, a Sioux name meaning "courageous and strong". The states had gifted Ludwig the name, symbolizing him becoming a part of the family. It is a soft of initiation in to the family. If you had been accepted by the family, you are given a name that fits your personality.**_

 _ **3\. ) Antinanco, Nicholas's native name is from the Mopuche meaning 'eagle of the sun'.**_


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